Yesterday was my birthday. -Happy birthday! -Thank you!

I just turned 27 and I thought I should write 7 things I am grateful for. An attitude of gratitude is always a great way to approach life. Thus, I thought what's better to start a fresh year than appreciating all the blessings in my life so far?

1. I am grateful for my physical health. It might sound trivial, but having spent a large portion of the past year feeling let's put it as not exactly my best I can't help but feel happy for every day that I can get on my two feet and walk and grow and walk and grow.

2. I am grateful for my mental health. I am grateful to be able to smile again, to be able to hear laughter steaming deep from my lungs. I am so lucky to be able to feel joy again, to joke, to let go, to be happy. 

3. I am grateful for my family. For they all have taught me, and are still teaching me, different lessons throughout my life. Family bonds are strong and fragile at the same time and it can be extremely hard to find balance sometimes. In the end I realised how important it is for those bonds to just be present, so that both parties get the chance to grow through them. 

4. I am grateful for the wonderful people around me. I think words are not enough to describe how lucky I feel to be surrounded by such loving, caring and amazing people. I feel blessed to have formed such beautiful bonds of love and I look up to every single one of them. 

5. I am grateful for the health and happiness of my friends and family. I am happy to see all of them living such unique and happy lives. I enjoy seeing them grow and turn into the people of their dreams. I get a lot of happiness from their personal successes and happiness and I am so proud and grateful to witness all the beautiful changes and growth happening in them.

6. I am grateful for the abundance of everything I have had in my life so far. I have been lucky enough to have never lacked anything of importance. Life has showered me with an abundance of amazing people, of love and chances to fulfil my dreams and I couldn't be more grateful. 

7. I am grateful for that day that I was almost hit by a car. Well actually this happened more than once- mom if you 're reading, forget I said this, but I am so glad I am alive and able to appreciate life! 

Thanks to all of you who took the time to think of me on my special day and reminded me that I am so lucky to be able to love and be loved. You really filled my heart with joy and warmth.

I wish you all a wonderful month!

Some Days are Better than Others

Today I am grateful for my life.
I am grateful to be smiling again, to be standing on my own two feet,
I am grateful for having such sweet people around me.
On days like this, where life is more of my friend than a struggle, I can even believe I deserve to be happy.
I take big breaths and exhale all the thoughts that no longer serve me.
With every step I am letting some of my old dead skin go,
allowing myself to feel the transformation as deeply as possible.
And I keep on breathing, and I keep on rising.

I Walk the Line

I was out for my daily walk earlier. I walked happily, while admiring how pretty Leiden can look in its autumn dress. Orange, yellow, brown and green colours are all around the Plantsoen at this time of the year, making it probably the most beautiful park in the city. All those soft earthly tones filled me with a sense of calmness and made me feel so at peace. I paused for a while to take a few breaths. I thought "I inhale light, I exhale darkness; I inhale light, I exhale darkness", and I smiled at the trees around me.

This is something I do during my walking meditations almost every day, otherwise I forget to breathe. I might be thinking of light, of joy, of love, of forgiveness, whatever feels right in the moment. Deep mindful breaths, allowing fresh air to fill the belly. And then with the exhale I let go. I let go of the worries, of the bitterness, of the darkness nesting in my heart, in my joints, in my deepest corners. I free myself from everything that's holding me back. Inch by inch, step by step. With every step I take, I dig a bit deeper, I heal a bit further. And if I fall I will get up and I will keep walking, and I will keep healing. Because, ultimately, there's no other way. 

All is Well

The other day, as I was going to sleep, a thought occurred to me. As I tucked myself in bed, nesting between my covers I thought "This is it". I saw the space between me and my room's walls expanding, I pictured the wind blowing outside in the alleys of my neighbourhood. I thought of the space defined by the borders of the country I live in- sweet little Holland -and I thought of Greece and its islands proudly standing in the cobalt blue sea, while being kissed by the sunlight.

Then I thought of the atlas of Earth as I wondered where I stand in all of this. Needless to say, I felt so small as I began to zoom back in. My little ego was shocked to begin with. "You are no one, Meli, and if you cease to exist the Earth will not bother". The seasons will not stop changing, the wind will not stop blowing, the sun will keep rising and setting. In this moment of degradation of the ego, I thought "How wonderful!" All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with a feeling of lightness, as these thoughts stripped me off the heavy responsibility of my mere existence.

I realised that even though I am no one, I am still alive and breathing. How much of a miracle is this? To be supported by the air, by the land, by the sea, just like that. It's the perks that come with existence. I can use those breaths and those heartbeats to become who I want to be, to do what I love doing, to live a happy life with respect for the vast womb that keeps me alive.

I went to sleep feeling so blessed and so grateful that night, with a deep knowing that everything has been taken care of. 

Love yourself as the neighbour

It's been a long time since my last post. Quite a lot of things have happened since then, but as usual I can't find the point of reciting the facts of my everyday life. Or even if I sometimes find it, I can't seem to be able to do it. They just never make it from my head to the tips of my fingers. So all I am left with is my ideas.

These last months have been quite challenging, both from a physical and a mental point of view -as if one can have the one without the other. My take-home message from this period of time is:

Thou shall love thyself

That's a hard one. I feel this is the message our souls and bodies are constantly singing and I really don't know how it is possible that we can be so deaf. We may get sick, exhausted or burnt out and all we are looking for is an easy fix. A pill, a drug, a prescription. And in the end we blame ourselves for failing us. "But I don't have the time! I need the pills, the drugs, the prescriptions, because they keep the routine of my lived-in-autopilot-life intact in the short term." I have to admit, that is a pretty unbeatable argument.

What do you think would happen if you asked yourself "What do I need right now?" The answer might be a walk in the sun, five minutes in silence, you name it. The whole world changes when we start tending to our own needs. Just take care of yourself the way you would take care of a loved one and, trust me, everything will start falling in place. 

Remember to take a breath.

After your alarm rings, first thing in the morning,

take a few breaths and start living.

Before you have your breakfast,

before you run off to work.

And at work, take another breath

during the coffee break

-breath always goes well with coffee. 

Για Αυτούς Που Τους Λέμε Σπίτι

Ήταν η πρώτη μέρα της πρακτικής μου. Μπήκα σε ένα γραφείο, που είχε την αίσθηση ενός τόπου που στεγάζει την ανιδιοτέλεια και προσπάθεια ανθρώπων, που είναι δοσμένοι σε έναν σκοπό. Ούτε πολλά πράγματα, ούτε πολλοί άνθρωποι, αλλά γεμάτο πρόθεση και υπερπροσπάθεια. 

Πάνε σχεδόν τέσσερα χρόνια από τότε. Εκείνη την ημέρα, έχοντας πάει για δουλειά, δεν περίμενα ότι θα συμβεί αυτό που ακολούθησε. Εκείνη τη μέρα, ήταν η πρώτη φορά που γνώρισα έναν άνθρωπο που είμαστε φτιαγμένοι από την ίδια στόφα. 

Ξέρεις πως είναι αυτό το συναίσθημα; Εγώ δεν ήξερα τότε και ούτε που το κατάλαβα αρχικά. Πρόσεξα μια ευγενική φιγούρα, καθόταν εκεί στο γραφειάκι της, χαρούμενη και χαμογελαστή. Μου έκανε εντύπωση που ήταν γεμάτη χρώματα, γιατί είχα συνηθίσει τους ανθρώπους μαυροφορεμένους. Κάθε μέρα ερχόταν στο γραφείο και έλεγε: “Το χρώμα της ημέρας είναι: το μωβ, το κίτρινο, το τιρκουάζ…” Συχνά πυκνά μου διάβαζε διάφορες σοφίες και αποσπάσματα από βιβλία για ένα λεπτό και μετά επέστρεφε στη δουλειά.

Δεν είχα συνηθίσει να μιλάει κάποιος για αφαιρετικές έννοιες και απροσδιόριστες ιδέες μέχρι τότε. Είχα συνηθίσει να ακούω για δεδομένα και αριθμούς κι ένιωθα ότι κάτι μου έλειπε, αλλά δεν ήξερα τι, γιατί δεν το είχα ποτέ γνωρίσει. Μία φορά ήμασταν σε μία εκδήλωση για την ενημέρωση του κοινού και δεν είχα ακούσει ποτέ άνθρωπο να μιλάει σε παιδάκια με πιο γλυκό τρόπο. Ήταν κάτι πέρα από τις λέξεις. Ήταν απλά αγάπη και φως.

Πέρασαν τα χρόνια και περάσαμε ώρες ολόκληρες σε μπαλκόνια, συζητώντας γι' αυτά που σε εμένα κι εκείνη έμοιαζαν να είναι αλήθεια. Πέρασε ο καιρός και μια μέρα την πήγα στο αεροδρόμιο για να ξεκινήσει τη νέα της ζωή σε έναν άλλο τόπο. Κρατούσε ένα κάδράκι που έλεγε: “Live your dream, don’t dream your life” και είχε ένα χαμόγελο που έχει κανείς μόνο όταν γελάνε όλα του τα κύτταρα στο σώμα. Κι έτσι πήγε να κάνει τη ζωή της. Αργότερα, έτυχε να πάω κι εγώ προς τα εκεί και βρεθήκαμε πάλι. Πήγα στο σπίτι της και μου είπε ότι είναι σαν να έχει έρθει η αδερφή της. Το καλύτερο δεν ήταν ότι απλά το είπε, αλλά ότι το ένιωσα. Και ήρθε κι εκείνη στο σπίτι μου και μου έφερε γαλήνη, που πάντα μου λείπει, και καμιά φορά δεν χρειαζόταν να μιλάμε καν, αλλά ξέραμε. 

Τώρα η ζωή είναι αλλιώς γιατί ξέρω ότι κάποιος σκέφτεται όπως κι εγώ και δεν με κρίνει και δεν με βρίσκει “περίεργη”. Και όποτε ξεχνάω πως δεν είμαι μόνη, μου το θυμίζει και όλα γίνονται καλύτερα. Και μιλάμε ακόμα και πίνουμε διαδικτυακούς ή αστρικούς καφέδες και τα λέμε εδώ κάτω ή εκεί πάνω. 

Για την Ενόραση

Έτος 2016 και είμαστε πιο μοντέρνοι από ποτέ. Στην ακμή της τεχνολογίας, της επιστήμης, της υπερπληροφόρησης, των υπερτροφικών εγώ και θέλω. Στην εποχή της πληθώρας, που όλα μοιάζουν δυνατά, νομίζουμε ότι φτάσαμε στην κορυφή. Στην εποχή που οι ανάγκες έχουν διογκωθεί τόσο όσο τα κινητά που δεν χωράνε πια στην τσέπη μας.

Σταμάτα.

Κάνε μιά παύση και κλείσε τα μάτια σε όλα σου τα θέλω. Άδειασε τον εαυτό σου από όλους και όλα εκείνα που σε ορίζουν. Ας μην θελήσεις για μία μέρα κάτι παραπάνω, ας μην πασχίσεις για να αναγνωρίσουν κάποιοι άλλοι την αξία σου. Κλείσε τα φώτα, τη μουσική, την τηλεόραση και μέσα σε αυτή τη γαλήνια στιγμή ρίξε μια ματιά, αν μπορέσεις, στον ξεγυμνωμένο σου εαυτό.

Τι θέλεις; Να ξανανοίξεις τα μάτια. Νιώθεις να σε χτυπάει ένας τυφώνας σκέψεων, στις οποίες έχεις δώσει τη δύναμη να είναι η ταυτότητά σου. Τα μέσα σου καίνε από τη στέρηση της καταναγκαστικής πραγματικότητας στην οποία θέλεις να επιστρέψεις με μανία.

Γιατί όμως; Είναι δύσκολο να μένεις μόνος, γιατί τώρα πρέπει να κάνεις παρέα τον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό. Οταν δεν ταυτίζεσαι με τα θέλω, τις ανάγκες ή τον περίγυρό σου νιώθεις άδειος- είσαι άδειος. Άδειος από όλα αυτά στα οποία έχεις προσκολληθεί και σε απομακρύνουν από το κέντρο σου. Μετά θα αναρωτηθείς, βέβαια, "Ποιος είμαι και τι θα δω με τα μάτια κλειστά;"

Αυτή τη στιγμή ακινησίας είσαι κανείς και τα πάντα μαζί και βλέπεις τίποτα μα και όλα. Σε αυτή την απομόνωση αναγκάζεσαι να συνειδητοποιήσεις τη φυσική σου υπόσταση. Νιώθεις τα όρια του σωματός σου, το στήθος σου που διαστέλλεται με κάθε εισπνοή και τον αέρα που τρέφει το σώμα σου, τους πόρους στο δέρμα σου που αντιδρούν στη δροσιά που μπαίνει από το παράθυρο. Παράλληλα νιώθεις την ενέργειά σου να εκτείνεται πέρα από αυτό. Νιωθεις την αύρα σου να πάλλεται και να παιχνιδίζει με τα στοιχεία της φύσης. Νιώθεις να είσαι άνεμος και γη και ποτάμι.

Σε αυτή τη στιγμή έχεις υπερβεί τα όρια της αντίληψης των πέντε αισθήσεων. Είσαι επιτέλους παρών. Σε αυτή τη στιγμή, που βλέπεις χωρίς να κοιτάς, είσαι τα πάντα και τίποτα- έχεις πια όλες τις απαντήσεις. Κι ας μην βγάζουν νόημα όταν θα ανοίξεις τα μάτια. Ξέρεις ότι για μία στιγμή το κέντρο βάρους σου ήταν μέσα σου. Ήσουν τότε απέραντος και πλήρης, έστω για εκείνη τη στιγμή, που ένα όνειρο σε ξύπνησε.

On Acceptance

“you son of a bitch, she said, I am 
trying to build a meaningful 
relationship. 

you can't build it with a hammer, 
he said.” 

Charles Bukowski, Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit

How About We Started Living

You go to work or you study,

you gather degrees or money

-what about happiness? 

You cope with a full time work load, seven days a week,

you keep on living when you can’t even breathe

 -why doesn’t that Saturday ever come?

You were supposed to enjoy yourself on this imaginary weekend.

Life goes on and you do what other people do,

because you think this is what people should be doing.

You close your eyes and you dream about a week in the Canary islands,

and you should know that this is what we all dream of when we close our eyes,

because most of us are building a life from which we want to escape. 

Day after day, you are knitting a web around your neck.

Life goes on, but you are missing it.

So, I am asking you now:

Do you think that is okay?

You Are Infinite.

Life is full of ups and downs. 

You find yourself laughing, when you were crying just a minute ago. 

Clouds of negative thoughts gather occasionally around your brain,

and then a soft breeze comes to gently carry them away. 

One moment you feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of circumstances, 

and suddenly you are feeling strong and bright and invincible. 

There are times when you judge, you blame, you swear,

and there are others when you are compassionate, forgiving, angelic.

It is then when you are connected to your true essence,

to your Higher Self, to God, to the Cosmos. 

It is then when the past and the future are one.

It is then when you just are.

You seek no meaning of life, no purpose, no cause,

because you know that all you have to do is to just be

-simply, effortlessly, infinitely be.

Let it go

You are one with the Cosmos, you are all there is, you are made of love and infinity, you are the universe itself. You are inhabiting every molecule of space at any given moment, you are always present and your essence is one with the Divine.

So let it go.

Let go of the fear. 

There is nothing to be afraid of. You are God, you are a star shining in the galaxy and beyond. Nothing can hurt you. You are love and love is not hurt, it is just there like the sun who is always bright, regardless of whether we see it or not- the sun does not know about the day or the night time.

Let go of all limiting beliefs. 

Let go of who you think you are. Just be, because you already are. You are free, you are enlightened, you are a zen master, you are earth, you are fire, you are a waterfall. Allow your mind to see more than it already knows. 

Let go of your pain body.

Let go of resentment, of bitterness, of resistance. Let go of the past and the future. Let go of the need for control. Let the life energy flow smoothly though you. Let your body and soul be cleansed from the poisonous thoughts and emotions. Bathe yourself in the beams of the galactic sun and trust your higher self to guide you to your life's purpose.

Never will you be cold or alone, because the web of universal light and love is always there to heal, to surround, to support you.

Είναι κάποιοι άνθρωποι, οξυγόνο,

που μυρίζουν αγάπη και λάμπουν ειρήνη.

Κι είναι κι άλλοι, πάλι, σκέτη πίκρα,

κόμπος στο λαιμό και μαύρη καταδίκη.

Κρίμα σ' εκείνους που δεν γνώρισαν τους πρώτους,

και δεν έμαθαν ποτέ που μπαίνει η τελεία. 

Ξυπνάς με πόνο. Λίγο όμως, όχι όσο χθες και είσαι ευγνώμων.

Σκέφτεσαι πως τελικά μόνο μέσα από τη σύγκριση μαθαίνει κανείς ή εκτιμά. 

Πρέπει να χάσεις ότι πήρες ποτέ δεδομένο, πρέπει να ξεχάσεις τον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό.

Περνάς τη μέρα πιστεύοντας πως αυτό το τίποτα που κάνεις είναι αρκετό. 

Ρωτάς τον εαυτό σου τι θέλει, τι θέλει για τροφή, για σκέψη, για όνειρο.

-μια μέρα ακόμα- έχεις πίστη στη ζωή, μην το ξεχνάς.

Αδειάζεις το μυαλό σου που αντιστέκεται,

κι εύχεσαι να κερδίσεις κάτι από αυτή την απώλεια.

Κλείνεις τα μάτια και βλέπεις καταρράκτες με φίλους και γέλια που έρχονται από τα μέσα σου. 

Why I started blogging again

I had been flirting with the idea of starting to write again since last October. The seamless keyboard of my back then brand new lap top appeared very appealing at the beginning. Obviously, it was not appealing enough to do the trick, as it seems.

Apart from that, I had grown out of my old blog, which had been hibernating for almost 5 years somewhere in the cyberspace- which reminds me of that movie with Tom Hanks, the Terminal, that really stresses me out every time I think about it, but which everybody else seems to love. However, the idea of starting a new blog, made me feel like I am leaving unfinished business and I don’t like unfinished business. After purposelessly playing with my old blog one day, I realised I could very easily change the name, just like that. Again, since I did not get an epiphany immediately, I dropped it. 

During all my off-the-blog time, I had been following quite a few professional bloggers. Their stories inspired me and made my days and my overall life better. More often than not, I could relate to the things they wrote. I wished I could be like them. It was then when I felt alive again and I was reminded of my purpose: I want to improve the lives of people and animals. I want to be an advocate for self growth. All I had to do is to believe I can do it. 

Easier said than done. Every night I went to bed with this idea.

A couple of weeks ago I was telling my counsellor- fancy word for therapist -that I have troubles sleeping at night. Now that I got some of my energy back, my brain started working overtime again, restlessly reviewing my days, spotting my mistakes and judging me tirelessly. My counsellor asked me if I could think of a way to avoid this, and I thought about writing a diary and depositing my thoughts on virtual paper so that I can go to sleep with an unloaded brain. What a great idea! 

Needless to say, I did not do it. 

In the meantime, I was hired by a local blog here in Leiden (www.theleidener.com) to write as a contributing author, which was definitely a great starting point. But still, I was not ready to take up the responsibility of running my own personal blog.

It was only a few days ago, when I was studying at home and my stress levels were slightly lower then the norm, when I decided to take some time and write about how inspired I felt by reading the blog posts from men and women, who they themselves have what it takes. I wrote a couple of paragraphs and I suddenly thought “it’s time”. 

I looked for my old blog and I tried to come up with a new name for it. After some failed attempts I decided to seek for the help of google on “how to name a blog”. Sometimes I am surprised by the negative correlation between mine and google's intelligence. Well, it worked anyway. I found a website which creates blog names based on keywords. I typed “self growth” and pressed search. After a bit of mixing and matching among the suggested ones I finally decided on “selfgrowthzone”. I was between this and “selfgrowthhunter” at first. I decided to reject the "hunter" idea, because I find hunting disturbing when I think about the kill and not the stylish English men riding their horses while being escorted by a pack of beagles, whose white part looks so bright as if they have been bleached. 

Since I was a rusty blogger, I played around with the features a bit so as to remind myself the procedure of creating and posting an article. Actually, it couldn’t have been easier and I am very grateful to all those visionaries and smart and capable people, who have created these platforms, allowing anyone to express himself and be creative with a click of a button. I experimented with the fonts and chose something relatively plain and minimal, because I wouldn't want you to be overwhelmed by complex shapes and colours in the background of my hopefully non-overwhelming texts. 

Open notes, select text, copy, paste, publish.

I am doing this for me and for you. I started writing again because I, like everybody else, have something to say and I enjoy doing it the most in written form. I am writing so that I can finally hear my own voice and for my beloved people, and anyone else interested, to get an insight in my life and head. I am also writing out of practicality, because I have to empty my brain every now and then so as to enjoy an 8-hour rejuvenating, uninterrupted sleep. I aspire that one day someone will read this blog and will think “if she can do it, so can I” and will start their own journey of self-exploration. I am doing it hoping to challenge people to think, to feel and to inspire them to grow.

The things I am writing about are things I rarely get the chance to talk about. This is my chance to free my inner voice, which I find oftentimes to be much wiser than I will ever be. 

Thank you for being with me on this journey and for making me feel happy and empowered with your presence and support. We are all in this together, after all.

Map around the trap

I came across another inspiring blogger named Heather Armstrong today (http://dooce.com/). I found her through Penelope’s blog (http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/). Penelope thinks she is brilliant, and she is. Upfront, edgy, raw, provocative, confident and not afraid to speak her mind. Oh, those women made of dynamite. I think I should be more like this. I should take life into my own hands. Actually, let me rephrase so it has a bigger impact. I am taking life in my own hands. 

Heather has dogs and kids, she works from home and has a husband who is a web developer. Most of all, Heather talks and people listen. I suppose this is why she, herself believes that what she has to say is meaningful. I look up to people like that for being brave enough to get themselves out there. 

I want to be successful, too, one day. I also want that day to come relatively soon, like the true greedy entitled millennial I am. I think that everybody has to write and coach others about things they have mastered through struggling. This is the only way you can foresee the traps that are yet to come. You know them, because you have already been there, you fell, you crashed, you broke a couple of bones or all of them, you realised you are a failure and you were numb for days or decades. One day you just got clarity of mind and a burning desire in your gut. You stood up and you did something about it. It might have been a small step at first, but then the steps got bigger and faster. Here you are now, knowing how to dodge that bullet. From now on you have the chance to help others facing the same difficulties. You have the experience, the insight, the map around the trap and the sympathy to do it. 

There are 7 billion people out there and the chances someone can relate to what you have been through are pretty damn high. Just believe that you matter and you can make a difference in the lives of a few hundreds of thousands of people. Give yourself a purpose by being a catalyst for the growth of others.

Your impact matters. You, yourself matter. 

Just remember, you can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. Speak your mind, spread the knowledge and your people will find you themselves.