10.31.2016

Some Days are Better than Others

Today I am grateful for my life.
I am grateful to be smiling again, to be standing on my own two feet,
I am grateful for having such sweet people around me.
On days like this, where life is more of my friend than a struggle, I can even believe I deserve to be happy.
I take big breaths and exhale all the thoughts that no longer serve me.
With every step I am letting some of my old dead skin go,
allowing myself to feel the transformation as deeply as possible.
And I keep on breathing, and I keep on rising.

10.25.2016

I Walk the Line

I was out for my daily walk earlier. I walked happily, while admiring how pretty Leiden can look in its autumn dress. Orange, yellow, brown and green colours are all around the Plantsoen at this time of the year, making it probably the most beautiful park in the city. All those soft earthly tones filled me with a sense of calmness and made me feel so at peace. I paused for a while to take a few breaths. I thought "I inhale light, I exhale darkness; I inhale light, I exhale darkness", and I smiled at the trees around me.

This is something I do during my walking meditations almost every day, otherwise I forget to breathe. I might be thinking of light, of joy, of love, of forgiveness, whatever feels right in the moment. Deep mindful breaths, allowing fresh air to fill the belly. And then with the exhale I let go. I let go of the worries, of the bitterness, of the darkness nesting in my heart, in my joints, in my deepest corners. I free myself from everything that's holding me back. Inch by inch, step by step. With every step I take, I dig a bit deeper, I heal a bit further. And if I fall I will get up and I will keep walking, and I will keep healing. Because, ultimately, there's no other way. 

10.22.2016

All is Well

The other day, as I was going to sleep, a thought occurred to me. As I tucked myself in bed, nesting between my covers I thought "This is it". I saw the space between me and my room's walls expanding, I pictured the wind blowing outside in the alleys of my neighbourhood. I thought of the space defined by the borders of the country I live in- sweet little Holland -and I thought of Greece and its islands proudly standing in the cobalt blue sea, while being kissed by the sunlight.

Then I thought of the atlas of Earth as I wondered where I stand in all of this. Needless to say, I felt so small as I began to zoom back in. My little ego was shocked to begin with. "You are no one, Meli, and if you cease to exist the Earth will not bother". The seasons will not stop changing, the wind will not stop blowing, the sun will keep rising and setting. In this moment of degradation of the ego, I thought "How wonderful!" All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with a feeling of lightness, as these thoughts stripped me off the heavy responsibility of my mere existence.

I realised that even though I am no one, I am still alive and breathing. How much of a miracle is this? To be supported by the air, by the land, by the sea, just like that. It's the perks that come with existence. I can use those breaths and those heartbeats to become who I want to be, to do what I love doing, to live a happy life with respect for the vast womb that keeps me alive.

I went to sleep feeling so blessed and so grateful that night, with a deep knowing that everything has been taken care of. 

Love yourself as the neighbour

It's been a long time since my last post. Quite a lot of things have happened since then, but as usual I can't find the point of reciting the facts of my everyday life. Or even if I sometimes find it, I can't seem to be able to do it. They just never make it from my head to the tips of my fingers. So all I am left with is my ideas.

These last months have been quite challenging, both from a physical and a mental point of view -as if one can have the one without the other. My take-home message from this period of time is:

Thou shall love thyself

That's a hard one. I feel this is the message our souls and bodies are constantly singing and I really don't know how it is possible that we can be so deaf. We may get sick, exhausted or burnt out and all we are looking for is an easy fix. A pill, a drug, a prescription. And in the end we blame ourselves for failing us. "But I don't have the time! I need the pills, the drugs, the prescriptions, because they keep the routine of my lived-in-autopilot-life intact in the short term." I have to admit, that is a pretty unbeatable argument.

What do you think would happen if you asked yourself "What do I need right now?" The answer might be a walk in the sun, five minutes in silence, you name it. The whole world changes when we start tending to our own needs. Just take care of yourself the way you would take care of a loved one and, trust me, everything will start falling in place.