Εισαγωγή στο 2017

Λίγο μετά το τέλος της πρώτης ημέρας του χρόνου και το κεφάλι μου είναι γεμάτο άτακτες σκέψεις που σπρώχνονται για να βγουν όπως οι ανυπόμονοι επιβάτες στα αεροπλάνα μετά το τέλος κάθε πτήσης  -εν πάσει περιπτώσει, παιδιά, όλοι θα βγείτε. Σκέφτομαι κυρίως όλα αυτά που έμαθα και το πόσο μεγάλωσα το χρόνο που πέρασε.

Μέσα σε αυτό τον χρόνο έχασα και βρήκα πολλά πράγματα και είμαι τόσο ευγνώμων γι᾽ αυτό. Έχασα πολύ από τον θυμό που είχα για εμένα και για τους ανθρώπους γύρω μου και βρήκα συμπόνοια και κατανόηση για τη διαφορετικότητα του κόσμου. Έχασα πολλές από τις ανασφάλειές μου και κέρδισα πίστη στη ζωή και τον εαυτό μου. Έχασα και άλλα πολλά όπως το πορτοφόλι με όλες μου τις κάρτες, αλλά κέρδισα φίλους από διάφορα μέρη ανά τον κόσμο. Εκτός αυτών έχασα όλες μου σχεδόν τις ανέσεις και κέρδισα τεράστια ευγνωμοσύνη γι᾽ αυτές. Το πιο σημαντικό, όμως, είναι πως το 2016 για πρώτη φορά αποφάσισα να ακούσω τον εαυτό μου. Με ρώτησα ῾τι θα σε έκανε πραγματικά ευτυχισμένη;῾ και μου επέτρεψα να απαντήσω ειλικρινά. Χάνοντας πολύ από το χάος που υπήρχε στο κεφάλι μου, ήρθα πιο κοντά από ποτέ στο να βρω τη φωνή μου. 

Το 2016 με έχασα και με βρήκα. Ήταν η δυσκολότερη χρονιά μέχρι τώρα; Ναι, όμως μετά από όλα αυτά η κάθε μου μέρα είναι η καλύτερη μέρα της ζωής μου. 

Yesterday was my birthday. -Happy birthday! -Thank you!

I just turned 27 and I thought I should write 7 things I am grateful for. An attitude of gratitude is always a great way to approach life. Thus, I thought what's better to start a fresh year than appreciating all the blessings in my life so far?

1. I am grateful for my physical health. It might sound trivial, but having spent a large portion of the past year feeling let's put it as not exactly my best I can't help but feel happy for every day that I can get on my two feet and walk and grow and walk and grow.

2. I am grateful for my mental health. I am grateful to be able to smile again, to be able to hear laughter steaming deep from my lungs. I am so lucky to be able to feel joy again, to joke, to let go, to be happy. 

3. I am grateful for my family. For they all have taught me, and are still teaching me, different lessons throughout my life. Family bonds are strong and fragile at the same time and it can be extremely hard to find balance sometimes. In the end I realised how important it is for those bonds to just be present, so that both parties get the chance to grow through them. 

4. I am grateful for the wonderful people around me. I think words are not enough to describe how lucky I feel to be surrounded by such loving, caring and amazing people. I feel blessed to have formed such beautiful bonds of love and I look up to every single one of them. 

5. I am grateful for the health and happiness of my friends and family. I am happy to see all of them living such unique and happy lives. I enjoy seeing them grow and turn into the people of their dreams. I get a lot of happiness from their personal successes and happiness and I am so proud and grateful to witness all the beautiful changes and growth happening in them.

6. I am grateful for the abundance of everything I have had in my life so far. I have been lucky enough to have never lacked anything of importance. Life has showered me with an abundance of amazing people, of love and chances to fulfil my dreams and I couldn't be more grateful. 

7. I am grateful for that day that I was almost hit by a car. Well actually this happened more than once- mom if you 're reading, forget I said this, but I am so glad I am alive and able to appreciate life! 

Thanks to all of you who took the time to think of me on my special day and reminded me that I am so lucky to be able to love and be loved. You really filled my heart with joy and warmth.

I wish you all a wonderful month!

Some Days are Better than Others

Today I am grateful for my life.
I am grateful to be smiling again, to be standing on my own two feet,
I am grateful for having such sweet people around me.
On days like this, where life is more of my friend than a struggle, I can even believe I deserve to be happy.
I take big breaths and exhale all the thoughts that no longer serve me.
With every step I am letting some of my old dead skin go,
allowing myself to feel the transformation as deeply as possible.
And I keep on breathing, and I keep on rising.

I Walk the Line

I was out for my daily walk earlier. I walked happily, while admiring how pretty Leiden can look in its autumn dress. Orange, yellow, brown and green colours are all around the Plantsoen at this time of the year, making it probably the most beautiful park in the city. All those soft earthly tones filled me with a sense of calmness and made me feel so at peace. I paused for a while to take a few breaths. I thought "I inhale light, I exhale darkness; I inhale light, I exhale darkness", and I smiled at the trees around me.

This is something I do during my walking meditations almost every day, otherwise I forget to breathe. I might be thinking of light, of joy, of love, of forgiveness, whatever feels right in the moment. Deep mindful breaths, allowing fresh air to fill the belly. And then with the exhale I let go. I let go of the worries, of the bitterness, of the darkness nesting in my heart, in my joints, in my deepest corners. I free myself from everything that's holding me back. Inch by inch, step by step. With every step I take, I dig a bit deeper, I heal a bit further. And if I fall I will get up and I will keep walking, and I will keep healing. Because, ultimately, there's no other way. 

All is Well

The other day, as I was going to sleep, a thought occurred to me. As I tucked myself in bed, nesting between my covers I thought "This is it". I saw the space between me and my room's walls expanding, I pictured the wind blowing outside in the alleys of my neighbourhood. I thought of the space defined by the borders of the country I live in- sweet little Holland -and I thought of Greece and its islands proudly standing in the cobalt blue sea, while being kissed by the sunlight.

Then I thought of the atlas of Earth as I wondered where I stand in all of this. Needless to say, I felt so small as I began to zoom back in. My little ego was shocked to begin with. "You are no one, Meli, and if you cease to exist the Earth will not bother". The seasons will not stop changing, the wind will not stop blowing, the sun will keep rising and setting. In this moment of degradation of the ego, I thought "How wonderful!" All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with a feeling of lightness, as these thoughts stripped me off the heavy responsibility of my mere existence.

I realised that even though I am no one, I am still alive and breathing. How much of a miracle is this? To be supported by the air, by the land, by the sea, just like that. It's the perks that come with existence. I can use those breaths and those heartbeats to become who I want to be, to do what I love doing, to live a happy life with respect for the vast womb that keeps me alive.

I went to sleep feeling so blessed and so grateful that night, with a deep knowing that everything has been taken care of. 

Love yourself as the neighbour

It's been a long time since my last post. Quite a lot of things have happened since then, but as usual I can't find the point of reciting the facts of my everyday life. Or even if I sometimes find it, I can't seem to be able to do it. They just never make it from my head to the tips of my fingers. So all I am left with is my ideas.

These last months have been quite challenging, both from a physical and a mental point of view -as if one can have the one without the other. My take-home message from this period of time is:

Thou shall love thyself

That's a hard one. I feel this is the message our souls and bodies are constantly singing and I really don't know how it is possible that we can be so deaf. We may get sick, exhausted or burnt out and all we are looking for is an easy fix. A pill, a drug, a prescription. And in the end we blame ourselves for failing us. "But I don't have the time! I need the pills, the drugs, the prescriptions, because they keep the routine of my lived-in-autopilot-life intact in the short term." I have to admit, that is a pretty unbeatable argument.

What do you think would happen if you asked yourself "What do I need right now?" The answer might be a walk in the sun, five minutes in silence, you name it. The whole world changes when we start tending to our own needs. Just take care of yourself the way you would take care of a loved one and, trust me, everything will start falling in place. 

Remember to take a breath.

After your alarm rings, first thing in the morning,

take a few breaths and start living.

Before you have your breakfast,

before you run off to work.

And at work, take another breath

during the coffee break

-breath always goes well with coffee.