On Rising

Dear pyjamas, sad mental loops and depressing songs, rip. I am over you. Ιn the mornings I will get up and I will wear my sharpest clothes, I am putting my best face on because for a while now I have been doing it for myself. On the hardest of days I am still showing up for me. And fick dich to the things I used to tell myself. The you are small, you are unworthy, you are bad have been replaced by you are strong, you are brave, you are kind, you are compassionate, you are WORTHY. As beautifully as Glennon Doyle puts it in her latest book Untamed "you are a fucking cheetah". 

                                                                                                                                                                                         MIKE HILL/GETTY IMAGES

Even on the saddest days I can still come up with three things I am grateful for. At times it can be the beloved friend that supported me, the cat that made me laugh by chasing a tiny moth up and down the apartment, the sun that is shining bright shedding its light on my insides. Other times it can be my lungs that are breathing lively, my legs that carry me with joy, a heart that is feeling deeply. 

Feel, shed, expand, repeat. 

I might have to turn this into a T-shirt. 

Rise girl, rise. 

Thoughts come streaming when I lie in bed at night. All the things that went wrong in life, all the why's that will never be resolved. I tell myself you are better than this. I am better than this. And I switch. I start imagining all the beautiful things life still holds for me. I envision my future, my best case scenario for a change. The content and beautiful days that are awaiting me. I get to the scared little child inside me, that little almost forgotten cheetah cub, I hold her telling her everything is going to be alright. I stroke her and bathe her with my heart like mother cheetahs bathe their babies with their tongues. It's a safe place to be, it's a fun safe warm playground. I've got you now babe, we've got this. 

                                                                                                                                   www.sciencesource.com

This morning my inner critic asked me "Where do you think you are going, Mel?" and I replied "Some place better, old friend. Take care. I am loved by more important people now. I am loved by myself".

Sometimes life will be a hard teacher, especially to us, the ones who are soft inside. However, we are also strong and very much equipped to pull through everything that comes our way. We just have to remember to close our eyes from time to time, call for our inner cheetahs and let our wild souls rise.

I 'll always be by your side

If you know me, you most likely know Spot. Or you knew him, whatever. The reality of him not being with us anymore has been hard for me to grasp. We had to put him down a few months ago at the old age of sixteen. My mom had to make the hard decision as I don't live there anymore and only found out the next time we talked when I asked her how he was doing.

Spot was a jolly dog and lived a happy life. Playful and goofy, sweet loving and sociable, loyal and always up for anything fun we could do together. He was my friend. I will not forget the first time we took him to our beach house in Plaka, Elounda. He must have been around a year old at the time and must have thrown up a dozen times by the time we got there. As soon as we stepped out of the car he run up to the edge of our porch. It was the first time he laid his warm brown eyes on the sea. He eagerly placed his elbows on the concrete fencing and just stood there staring at the vast blue water expanding past the island of Spinalonga till it met the horizon. He was stunned. I must have a photo somewhere of the two of us on that porch where he sits on that concrete fencing while I am sitting by his side holding his paw. Me and him, my friend and I, both so young and content in each other's presence, frozen in time.

                                                      Edit: I managed to find this photo of our holiday together.


I remember at the end of the summer each year on the day of the first September rain we used to go out in the garden together. It was our little ritual, like the ones friends have, just the two of us celebrating the transition of nature.

                                  Spot at the back. Rita (left) and Laura (right) at the front.

Spot passed away in September.

Every animal that dies leaves us with an internal void. The one we didn't know we had until they came to fill it with their presence.  

Last night I dreamt about him. I could feel him again, sliding my fingers through this soft black fur thinking "Could this be real? I thought I had lost him forever".

Two months ago a black and white long haired kitten showed up at my doorstep. He came and never left kind of like what happened with Spot. He had, too, chosen me. He was around six months old at the time meaning he was born around the same time when Spot passed. I like to think that it is him returning to me in a different form. When I told my aunt about it she said "So you think there is a spirit that has been following you throughout your life?". "I guess so", I replied. Fioggos is fun and loving and goofy making me laugh all the time like Spot did. He meows and goes hiding, expecting me to go look for him. And I do go look for him, it is our game after all, our new little ritual. He's brought so much joy into my life. And so much hair everywhere. Every time I turn around he is up to something new. This funny sweet hairy ever moving creature. My new old friend.

This reminds me that there is so much more out there than what we can see or prove or measure by fitting it in complex mathematical equations. It reminds me that life flows and transforms in similar ways to the ones nature is changed by the first September rain after the long dry Cretan summer. I know that to some people this will all sound totally insane, but I really can't deny that it does indeed make some kind of a soothingly incomprehensible sense somewhere deeply inside my heart.

He is still here, living through Fioggos. I have not lost him, I never did.

Sweet boy always coming to say hi and lick your face.

Life II

"Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans." I came across this John Lennon quote a couple years ago. I found shocking the amount of truth in those words back then and I still do. 

I have studied to become a biologist. I find the diversity of the forms of life and life itself on this planet absolutely and magnificently intriguing. About a year ago I started my journey to become a yoga teacher, which is one of the most fulfilling experiences I have ever had and I get to relive every time I teach a class, every time I invite people to breathe, to move, to bring life into their beings. In the meantime I have had the chance to live in a couple of different countries. To cross my Parisian dream off my bucket list. To discover a new species of a tiny little animal which some say it looks like a product of a spider-scorpion fornication, but which makes my heart skip a beat every single time I lay my eyes on one. I have made friends from all over the world. I have burnt out. I have cried pools of tears mourning over the wounds of my past. I have seen and heard and felt things I never imagined existed. I have both succeeded and failed miserably in science, in love, in family, in friendship.

This has been life so far for me. An unpredictable journey which often found me overwhelmingly anxious about what the next chapter was going to bring. You see, a little over a decade ago I had a very different plan in mind about how my life was going to turn out to be. Over the years I have spent a fair amount of time and tremendous amounts of energy resisting the changes that life brought into my path. I have finally come to acknowledge one thing: The only way to live your most honest and most authentic life is to remain open to what life has to offer while you keep yourself vulnerable to feeling what there is to be felt. Feeling is the third dimension to the equation of life. With the other two being thinking and doing, in my opinion. One cannot just think and do. Trust me. Actually, I cannot believe I am the one to be saying this. Me, the avoider of all things to be felt and the seeker of the things that can only be understood. 

If you find yourself overwhelmed by the unpredictability of the script of your own life, dear friend, do not be afraid. Take a leap into all three dimensions.  Life is a movie full of plot twists, but, hey, there wasn’t going to be much greatness in rewatching a movie that has already been played in your head, right? 

As Joseph Campbell beautifully puts it:

With a whole lot of love, 

Meli

P.S. I was inspired to write this blog by Brene Brown's book "Daring Greatly". I loved reading it and I highly recommend it to you guys too, in case you haven't already read it. 

As abstract as I like it to be

There will be times 

when it will be too hard to bear this thing called living

There will be times when this so called reality 

will rip your guts wide open and will devour your heart with outmost gluttony 

And then a moment will come when your veils will be shed

and all of a sudden you will know that reality is nothing more than a never ending cosmic dance between one's brightest light and deepest shadow

As truthful to others as a battlefield covered by an invisible cloak

If in that moment, my friend, you catch yourself wondering "in the end who am I really?"

Then search for what lifts your being into serenity  

For me, as I speak on behalf of my soul, it has come to be the thought of God and Nocturne No. 1 in B flat minor. 

What's yours? 

It's been a while

Hello dear friends, 

I am so happy to be back on the blog and to be meeting you again here on my sacred cyber space. A lot of things have happened since my last post. The most major change is that I moved out of Leiden and I am back to Crete- hello sun-kissed cheeks, hello chaos, hello mama land! This cultural transition won't be the subject of this blog post though, since there are other thoughts in more urgent need to be spilled out of the tips of my fingers. So let's set them free, shall we?

As you may already know in the past couple of years I have been putting a considerable effort to tame this mess called life. There have been bumps along the road of course, it wasn't going to be a smooth ride, but you know, life is life. Thus, according to my experience and after some rather sloppy calculations and repeated observations I realised that that there is at least one time in everyone's life when one or more major life changes take place. This can be due to a loss of a job or a loved one, a divorce, a burnout- insert painful event here. Ok everybody hurts we got it. So why am I telling you this? Because observing this pattern has helped me realise that life changes can be painful but they do not have to be tragical.

"The bird fights its way out of the egg. 

The egg is the world. Whoever will be born 

must destroy a world." - Herman Hesse 

It is fine if you lost yourself on the way. It is fine if you need time to grieve. In times like these which are difficult without a doubt we are called to shed all the parts of ourselves which no longer serve us. The parts which have been throwing us into false circles for years if not decades. Once you rise above this challenge you will be a different yet better person, you will be one step closer to your true self. The one that is not a people pleaser. The one that takes time for self-love and fills his/her own heart first before loving anybody else. You will be one with the child inside you. 

It is fine if you need time. It is fine if you cannot bear being just a cog in the machine. It is fine if you have feelings nested in a heart in the size of a planet. And you know why it is fine? Because life forgives and you, my friend, have already been forgiven 
for 
being 
only human.

With a whole lot of love,

Meli

Healing

It has been four days since I got a decent night's sleep. You see, I always get a bit funky before a full moon. In times like this, it feels like I am a numb observer of my own life. I can just watch this girl being in places doing things as if I am watching a theatre play. I spent the weekend at my yoga teacher's training. It was rather intense, but in a good way. So today I took a moment to let everything that happened during the past few days sink in.

I realised how grateful I am for having made it this far, not only in my teacher's training but also in life. Just a few months ago I was lying in my bed, barely able to get up on my feet and walk a few meters. Yet there I was yesterday, fully engaged in my self-practice. I was there on my mat, breathing, moving, sweating, stretching. There were bodies moving around me too. Every one of them with its own story. I closed my eyes and turned inwards. I could feel their presence warming up the room, supporting each other through this togetherness.

My step was light and my body was warm. I heard the calls of my thighs and spine and I let them move. I let my body flow into the place that felt right. I got into a deep backbend. A wheel- what an experience. As I was bending my back, I could feel my chest open. I breathed in long, deep, cleansing breath. I returned to the floor and I imagined that in that moment my flesh was on the floor but there was another body, a black semi-transparent skeleton, floating slightly over my physical body. It was my pain body. I saw this other chest being wide open with black smoke coming out of it. It was the painful emotional energy that had been stored in my chest for a long time now. I took a deep breath in and I exhaled with force, letting it all go, allowing the remnants of my traumatic past to evaporate into the air.

In yoga, as in life, every day is different. Every day we let a different version of ourselves unfold. Yesterday I saw a version of me I had not seen in a very long time. Yesterday I opened up. No more hunching, no more self-pity, no more denying life.

I will leave you tonight with this song:

There's A Place In 

Your Heart 

And I Know 

That It Is Love 

And This Place Could 

Be Much 

Brighter Than Tomorrow 

And If You Really Try 

You'll Find There's No Need 

To Cry In 

This Place You'll Feel 

There's No Hurt Or Sorrow 

There Are Ways 

To Get There 

If You Care Enough 

For The Living 

Make A Little Space 

Make A Better Place... 

Heal The World 

Make It A Better Place 

For You And For Me 

And The Entire Human Race

If We Try 

We Shall See 

In This Bliss 

We Cannot Feel 

Fear Or Dread 

We Stop Existing 

And Start Living

Michael Jackson - Heal the World

With a whole lot of love,

Meli

Set You Free

Hello dear friends,

I hope you are doing great and that life is getting sweeter and brighter now that Spring is just around the corner. I have been experiencing this change myself, too, and I am happy to be finally switching from winter-hibernating to spring-awakening mode. There is something I would like to share with you today. I spent a large part of the day writing a blog post yesterday, which to my surprise, and maybe yours, is not the one you are reading right now. In that other blog I talked about general truths and gave advice, I included philosophical quotes and motivational pictures. It all seemed quite promising, until it wasn't anymore. When I had finally finished writing I went through it once more, only to realise that there was no sign of myself to be found in all that extensive product of my hard work. So, the question is, what happened in the mean time? 

Fear happened, friends. Once again I had been taken over by this hauntingly nasty habit. The habit of being afraid to speak up, to expose myself, to share my thoughts and personal experiences. Most of the time I find standing up for my own self terrifying. It has to be the consequence of growing up feeling I did not really fit in with most of the people around me. You see, sometimes it is just easier to be nobody, than to be the one who stands out. Because if you make people see you then they might as well judge you and, if you are anything like me, it is going to go straight to the heart. This is why we keep on making small talk, hiding behind our own fingers, when in fact deep inside there's a whole different story to tell.

So as I am discarding yesterday's blog I am clarifying and letting go of the feelings that lead me to write it in the first place. I will honour my choice to be transparent, because how could I ever come to know myself, when all I am doing is masking it out of fear of being judged? Just imagine how different life would be if we dared to set free that bird we call soul for a change.

With a whole lot of love,

Meli

Life

There is no other life than this, Meli.

It is the breath you are taking right now; your chest rising, your lungs expanding; your heart beating;

your lips forming a smile, unfolding around your bare crooked tooth

- yes, the one your mom thinks makes you self-conscious, but which in fact you love partly because someone once told you that imperfections define our charm.

Life was the moment when that salty drop courageously let go of the tip of your eye and dove all the way down to your toes out of happiness or sadness.

This is life, Meli, a collection of those tiny or infinite moments we call now. 

On Circumstances

I have been wondering these days how a little seed would feel if it was born in the wrong climate.

What would it do?

Would it migrate or would it just settle for a suboptimal life?

And what if it doesn't make it far enough?

Or worse, what if it ends up in the right place without it ever knowing?

What a tragedy it would be, little potential flower, landing on the right land but never allowing yourself to blossom? 

The Graduate

Today was the day when I received my final grade for my Master's degree. I am done. I am a graduate. I never thought this day would come, not after everything I went through during the past year and a half.

The question now is "how does this makes me feel?".

My feelings are mixed, since I still haven't had enough time to digest what has happened. I had been stressing about this for so long that I need to allow myself to get used to the idea. After a few deep breaths I am starting to feel a weight slowly being lifted off my shoulders. Thoughts are racing through my mind. Is that it? Now what? Could I have done a better job? So many questions.

And you know what? I do not know. And you know what else? That is okay.

What I know is that after burning out and breaking down emotionally and physically, I did not quit. I successfully completed my program, and it was a tough one, believe me. I also know that despite the circumstances I stayed true to myself. I am still the kind, honest, considerate person I want to be.

What changed is the lens through which I see my own self. I can now see me as a human being, as a person who values values, who has feelings and needs that do not only have to do with performing in an academic context. What changed is that my work is no longer my life and that I feel more secure in my own skin than ever. My self worth is no longer solely dependent on performance. I am happy to have humans whom I love and who love me back, I am happy to have feelings, to have a family, I am happy to be healthy, to be standing on my feet, to be able to spread the love I carry inside me.

Rumi said “When you go through a hard period, when everything seems to oppose you, when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute, never give up! Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!”

And with that, my dear friends, I embrace change within me and outside of me and I invite you to do the same.

Time for Change

Today I want to talk to you about trauma. It is something I have been meaning to write about for quite a while now, but I never felt ready to actually do it. It's mostly because I was too hesitant to become vulnerable. In the end I realised that there's no point in holding back, because whether I speak about it or not, I still carry it with me anyway. Also, it is high time we burnt our comfort zones, don't you think?

So back to our point, trauma. It was about a year ago and after my parents' break up when I was feeling rather devastated, that I started reading a series of books on how to heal the traumatic experiences that people encounter throughout their development, from being a newborn, to reaching adulthood. Those traumatic experiences are called childhood wounds. Apparently we all have them, some more than others. It can be anything that struck us while growing up, a mother that didn't respond to her newborns cries, a classmate that bullied us in primary school, an embarrassing moment when all eyes were zeroed in on us when we were little.

When it comes to me, it was many things that traumatised me while growing up and I am pretty sure I am not fully aware of all of them yet. I didn't even realise I had experienced trauma until the moment when intense psychosomatic symptoms started to appear. It is hard to become aware of the trauma, because our own mind is trying to protect us from all the pain of dealing with unresolved emotional issues.

When my body started to collapse I thought, no this can't be happening. I used to climb the steps two at a time, and now I can barely walk. I was falling apart and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't keep living life the way I used to. Something had to change. And it wasn't just the body, my spirit collapsed, too. I was sad, so sad, as if life and joy had been sucked out of me. After more than a year of ups and downs and several moments of almost giving up, I am still here and I dare say that I am happy. I had countless insights during the past year. I got to listen to myself and know my boundaries. I started loving myself by being my own friend.

The thing is my body was not failing me, I was failing my body, by stressing it too much, and  I was failing my soul by not being true to myself, by being a yes-man, by neglecting my own needs. I realised I am going to build the life that is right for me consciously with my own hands. I will hit the breaks and I will take time to breathe. I will meditate, I will spend time outside in the nature, I will take dogs for walks, I will have time to connect with my friends and family.

Life is a choice. I choose mine to be a life that suits me, a life that has space for happiness and laughters, a life in which I feel light. Life really starts at the end of our comfort zones and this is just the place I want to be.

Εισαγωγή στο 2017

Λίγο μετά το τέλος της πρώτης ημέρας του χρόνου και το κεφάλι μου είναι γεμάτο άτακτες σκέψεις που σπρώχνονται για να βγουν όπως οι ανυπόμονοι επιβάτες στα αεροπλάνα μετά το τέλος κάθε πτήσης  -εν πάσει περιπτώσει, παιδιά, όλοι θα βγείτε. Σκέφτομαι κυρίως όλα αυτά που έμαθα και το πόσο μεγάλωσα το χρόνο που πέρασε.

Μέσα σε αυτό τον χρόνο έχασα και βρήκα πολλά πράγματα και είμαι τόσο ευγνώμων γι᾽ αυτό. Έχασα πολύ από τον θυμό που είχα για εμένα και για τους ανθρώπους γύρω μου και βρήκα συμπόνοια και κατανόηση για τη διαφορετικότητα του κόσμου. Έχασα πολλές από τις ανασφάλειές μου και κέρδισα πίστη στη ζωή και τον εαυτό μου. Έχασα και άλλα πολλά όπως το πορτοφόλι με όλες μου τις κάρτες, αλλά κέρδισα φίλους από διάφορα μέρη ανά τον κόσμο. Εκτός αυτών έχασα όλες μου σχεδόν τις ανέσεις και κέρδισα τεράστια ευγνωμοσύνη γι᾽ αυτές. Το πιο σημαντικό, όμως, είναι πως το 2016 για πρώτη φορά αποφάσισα να ακούσω τον εαυτό μου. Με ρώτησα ῾τι θα σε έκανε πραγματικά ευτυχισμένη;῾ και μου επέτρεψα να απαντήσω ειλικρινά. Χάνοντας πολύ από το χάος που υπήρχε στο κεφάλι μου, ήρθα πιο κοντά από ποτέ στο να βρω τη φωνή μου. 

Το 2016 με έχασα και με βρήκα. Ήταν η δυσκολότερη χρονιά μέχρι τώρα; Ναι, όμως μετά από όλα αυτά η κάθε μου μέρα είναι η καλύτερη μέρα της ζωής μου. 

Yesterday was my birthday. -Happy birthday! -Thank you!

I just turned 27 and I thought I should write 7 things I am grateful for. An attitude of gratitude is always a great way to approach life. Thus, I thought what's better to start a fresh year than appreciating all the blessings in my life so far?

1. I am grateful for my physical health. It might sound trivial, but having spent a large portion of the past year feeling let's put it as not exactly my best I can't help but feel happy for every day that I can get on my two feet and walk and grow and walk and grow.

2. I am grateful for my mental health. I am grateful to be able to smile again, to be able to hear laughter steaming deep from my lungs. I am so lucky to be able to feel joy again, to joke, to let go, to be happy. 

3. I am grateful for my family. For they all have taught me, and are still teaching me, different lessons throughout my life. Family bonds are strong and fragile at the same time and it can be extremely hard to find balance sometimes. In the end I realised how important it is for those bonds to just be present, so that both parties get the chance to grow through them. 

4. I am grateful for the wonderful people around me. I think words are not enough to describe how lucky I feel to be surrounded by such loving, caring and amazing people. I feel blessed to have formed such beautiful bonds of love and I look up to every single one of them. 

5. I am grateful for the health and happiness of my friends and family. I am happy to see all of them living such unique and happy lives. I enjoy seeing them grow and turn into the people of their dreams. I get a lot of happiness from their personal successes and happiness and I am so proud and grateful to witness all the beautiful changes and growth happening in them.

6. I am grateful for the abundance of everything I have had in my life so far. I have been lucky enough to have never lacked anything of importance. Life has showered me with an abundance of amazing people, of love and chances to fulfil my dreams and I couldn't be more grateful. 

7. I am grateful for that day that I was almost hit by a car. Well actually this happened more than once- mom if you 're reading, forget I said this, but I am so glad I am alive and able to appreciate life! 

Thanks to all of you who took the time to think of me on my special day and reminded me that I am so lucky to be able to love and be loved. You really filled my heart with joy and warmth.

I wish you all a wonderful month!

Some Days are Better than Others

Today I am grateful for my life.
I am grateful to be smiling again, to be standing on my own two feet,
I am grateful for having such sweet people around me.
On days like this, where life is more of my friend than a struggle, I can even believe I deserve to be happy.
I take big breaths and exhale all the thoughts that no longer serve me.
With every step I am letting some of my old dead skin go,
allowing myself to feel the transformation as deeply as possible.
And I keep on breathing, and I keep on rising.

I Walk the Line

I was out for my daily walk earlier. I walked happily, while admiring how pretty Leiden can look in its autumn dress. Orange, yellow, brown and green colours are all around the Plantsoen at this time of the year, making it probably the most beautiful park in the city. All those soft earthly tones filled me with a sense of calmness and made me feel so at peace. I paused for a while to take a few breaths. I thought "I inhale light, I exhale darkness; I inhale light, I exhale darkness", and I smiled at the trees around me.

This is something I do during my walking meditations almost every day, otherwise I forget to breathe. I might be thinking of light, of joy, of love, of forgiveness, whatever feels right in the moment. Deep mindful breaths, allowing fresh air to fill the belly. And then with the exhale I let go. I let go of the worries, of the bitterness, of the darkness nesting in my heart, in my joints, in my deepest corners. I free myself from everything that's holding me back. Inch by inch, step by step. With every step I take, I dig a bit deeper, I heal a bit further. And if I fall I will get up and I will keep walking, and I will keep healing. Because, ultimately, there's no other way. 

All is Well

The other day, as I was going to sleep, a thought occurred to me. As I tucked myself in bed, nesting between my covers I thought "This is it". I saw the space between me and my room's walls expanding, I pictured the wind blowing outside in the alleys of my neighbourhood. I thought of the space defined by the borders of the country I live in- sweet little Holland -and I thought of Greece and its islands proudly standing in the cobalt blue sea, while being kissed by the sunlight.

Then I thought of the atlas of Earth as I wondered where I stand in all of this. Needless to say, I felt so small as I began to zoom back in. My little ego was shocked to begin with. "You are no one, Meli, and if you cease to exist the Earth will not bother". The seasons will not stop changing, the wind will not stop blowing, the sun will keep rising and setting. In this moment of degradation of the ego, I thought "How wonderful!" All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with a feeling of lightness, as these thoughts stripped me off the heavy responsibility of my mere existence.

I realised that even though I am no one, I am still alive and breathing. How much of a miracle is this? To be supported by the air, by the land, by the sea, just like that. It's the perks that come with existence. I can use those breaths and those heartbeats to become who I want to be, to do what I love doing, to live a happy life with respect for the vast womb that keeps me alive.

I went to sleep feeling so blessed and so grateful that night, with a deep knowing that everything has been taken care of. 

Love yourself as the neighbour

It's been a long time since my last post. Quite a lot of things have happened since then, but as usual I can't find the point of reciting the facts of my everyday life. Or even if I sometimes find it, I can't seem to be able to do it. They just never make it from my head to the tips of my fingers. So all I am left with is my ideas.

These last months have been quite challenging, both from a physical and a mental point of view -as if one can have the one without the other. My take-home message from this period of time is:

Thou shall love thyself

That's a hard one. I feel this is the message our souls and bodies are constantly singing and I really don't know how it is possible that we can be so deaf. We may get sick, exhausted or burnt out and all we are looking for is an easy fix. A pill, a drug, a prescription. And in the end we blame ourselves for failing us. "But I don't have the time! I need the pills, the drugs, the prescriptions, because they keep the routine of my lived-in-autopilot-life intact in the short term." I have to admit, that is a pretty unbeatable argument.

What do you think would happen if you asked yourself "What do I need right now?" The answer might be a walk in the sun, five minutes in silence, you name it. The whole world changes when we start tending to our own needs. Just take care of yourself the way you would take care of a loved one and, trust me, everything will start falling in place. 

Remember to take a breath.

After your alarm rings, first thing in the morning,

take a few breaths and start living.

Before you have your breakfast,

before you run off to work.

And at work, take another breath

during the coffee break

-breath always goes well with coffee. 

Για Αυτούς Που Τους Λέμε Σπίτι

Ήταν η πρώτη μέρα της πρακτικής μου. Μπήκα σε ένα γραφείο, που είχε την αίσθηση ενός τόπου που στεγάζει την ανιδιοτέλεια και προσπάθεια ανθρώπων, που είναι δοσμένοι σε έναν σκοπό. Ούτε πολλά πράγματα, ούτε πολλοί άνθρωποι, αλλά γεμάτο πρόθεση και υπερπροσπάθεια. 

Πάνε σχεδόν τέσσερα χρόνια από τότε. Εκείνη την ημέρα, έχοντας πάει για δουλειά, δεν περίμενα ότι θα συμβεί αυτό που ακολούθησε. Εκείνη τη μέρα, ήταν η πρώτη φορά που γνώρισα έναν άνθρωπο που είμαστε φτιαγμένοι από την ίδια στόφα. 

Ξέρεις πως είναι αυτό το συναίσθημα; Εγώ δεν ήξερα τότε και ούτε που το κατάλαβα αρχικά. Πρόσεξα μια ευγενική φιγούρα, καθόταν εκεί στο γραφειάκι της, χαρούμενη και χαμογελαστή. Μου έκανε εντύπωση που ήταν γεμάτη χρώματα, γιατί είχα συνηθίσει τους ανθρώπους μαυροφορεμένους. Κάθε μέρα ερχόταν στο γραφείο και έλεγε: “Το χρώμα της ημέρας είναι: το μωβ, το κίτρινο, το τιρκουάζ…” Συχνά πυκνά μου διάβαζε διάφορες σοφίες και αποσπάσματα από βιβλία για ένα λεπτό και μετά επέστρεφε στη δουλειά.

Δεν είχα συνηθίσει να μιλάει κάποιος για αφαιρετικές έννοιες και απροσδιόριστες ιδέες μέχρι τότε. Είχα συνηθίσει να ακούω για δεδομένα και αριθμούς κι ένιωθα ότι κάτι μου έλειπε, αλλά δεν ήξερα τι, γιατί δεν το είχα ποτέ γνωρίσει. Μία φορά ήμασταν σε μία εκδήλωση για την ενημέρωση του κοινού και δεν είχα ακούσει ποτέ άνθρωπο να μιλάει σε παιδάκια με πιο γλυκό τρόπο. Ήταν κάτι πέρα από τις λέξεις. Ήταν απλά αγάπη και φως.

Πέρασαν τα χρόνια και περάσαμε ώρες ολόκληρες σε μπαλκόνια, συζητώντας γι' αυτά που σε εμένα κι εκείνη έμοιαζαν να είναι αλήθεια. Πέρασε ο καιρός και μια μέρα την πήγα στο αεροδρόμιο για να ξεκινήσει τη νέα της ζωή σε έναν άλλο τόπο. Κρατούσε ένα κάδράκι που έλεγε: “Live your dream, don’t dream your life” και είχε ένα χαμόγελο που έχει κανείς μόνο όταν γελάνε όλα του τα κύτταρα στο σώμα. Κι έτσι πήγε να κάνει τη ζωή της. Αργότερα, έτυχε να πάω κι εγώ προς τα εκεί και βρεθήκαμε πάλι. Πήγα στο σπίτι της και μου είπε ότι είναι σαν να έχει έρθει η αδερφή της. Το καλύτερο δεν ήταν ότι απλά το είπε, αλλά ότι το ένιωσα. Και ήρθε κι εκείνη στο σπίτι μου και μου έφερε γαλήνη, που πάντα μου λείπει, και καμιά φορά δεν χρειαζόταν να μιλάμε καν, αλλά ξέραμε. 

Τώρα η ζωή είναι αλλιώς γιατί ξέρω ότι κάποιος σκέφτεται όπως κι εγώ και δεν με κρίνει και δεν με βρίσκει “περίεργη”. Και όποτε ξεχνάω πως δεν είμαι μόνη, μου το θυμίζει και όλα γίνονται καλύτερα. Και μιλάμε ακόμα και πίνουμε διαδικτυακούς ή αστρικούς καφέδες και τα λέμε εδώ κάτω ή εκεί πάνω. 

Για την Ενόραση

Έτος 2016 και είμαστε πιο μοντέρνοι από ποτέ. Στην ακμή της τεχνολογίας, της επιστήμης, της υπερπληροφόρησης, των υπερτροφικών εγώ και θέλω. Στην εποχή της πληθώρας, που όλα μοιάζουν δυνατά, νομίζουμε ότι φτάσαμε στην κορυφή. Στην εποχή που οι ανάγκες έχουν διογκωθεί τόσο όσο τα κινητά που δεν χωράνε πια στην τσέπη μας.

Σταμάτα.

Κάνε μιά παύση και κλείσε τα μάτια σε όλα σου τα θέλω. Άδειασε τον εαυτό σου από όλους και όλα εκείνα που σε ορίζουν. Ας μην θελήσεις για μία μέρα κάτι παραπάνω, ας μην πασχίσεις για να αναγνωρίσουν κάποιοι άλλοι την αξία σου. Κλείσε τα φώτα, τη μουσική, την τηλεόραση και μέσα σε αυτή τη γαλήνια στιγμή ρίξε μια ματιά, αν μπορέσεις, στον ξεγυμνωμένο σου εαυτό.

Τι θέλεις; Να ξανανοίξεις τα μάτια. Νιώθεις να σε χτυπάει ένας τυφώνας σκέψεων, στις οποίες έχεις δώσει τη δύναμη να είναι η ταυτότητά σου. Τα μέσα σου καίνε από τη στέρηση της καταναγκαστικής πραγματικότητας στην οποία θέλεις να επιστρέψεις με μανία.

Γιατί όμως; Είναι δύσκολο να μένεις μόνος, γιατί τώρα πρέπει να κάνεις παρέα τον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό. Οταν δεν ταυτίζεσαι με τα θέλω, τις ανάγκες ή τον περίγυρό σου νιώθεις άδειος- είσαι άδειος. Άδειος από όλα αυτά στα οποία έχεις προσκολληθεί και σε απομακρύνουν από το κέντρο σου. Μετά θα αναρωτηθείς, βέβαια, "Ποιος είμαι και τι θα δω με τα μάτια κλειστά;"

Αυτή τη στιγμή ακινησίας είσαι κανείς και τα πάντα μαζί και βλέπεις τίποτα μα και όλα. Σε αυτή την απομόνωση αναγκάζεσαι να συνειδητοποιήσεις τη φυσική σου υπόσταση. Νιώθεις τα όρια του σωματός σου, το στήθος σου που διαστέλλεται με κάθε εισπνοή και τον αέρα που τρέφει το σώμα σου, τους πόρους στο δέρμα σου που αντιδρούν στη δροσιά που μπαίνει από το παράθυρο. Παράλληλα νιώθεις την ενέργειά σου να εκτείνεται πέρα από αυτό. Νιωθεις την αύρα σου να πάλλεται και να παιχνιδίζει με τα στοιχεία της φύσης. Νιώθεις να είσαι άνεμος και γη και ποτάμι.

Σε αυτή τη στιγμή έχεις υπερβεί τα όρια της αντίληψης των πέντε αισθήσεων. Είσαι επιτέλους παρών. Σε αυτή τη στιγμή, που βλέπεις χωρίς να κοιτάς, είσαι τα πάντα και τίποτα- έχεις πια όλες τις απαντήσεις. Κι ας μην βγάζουν νόημα όταν θα ανοίξεις τα μάτια. Ξέρεις ότι για μία στιγμή το κέντρο βάρους σου ήταν μέσα σου. Ήσουν τότε απέραντος και πλήρης, έστω για εκείνη τη στιγμή, που ένα όνειρο σε ξύπνησε.